I have had a breakup that took me to my knees. I promised myself that I would never allow anyone to break my heart that bad ever again. I have kept that promise in my romantic relationships, but I never considered being hurt that much by someone I thought was my best friend until now.
The grieving process is the same. The heart doesn’t know the difference. In some ways, it hurt more because I was more vulnerable with my friend. I told her things that I had never told anyone else. I trusted her. God, I feel like such an idiot. I put myself out there with no protection and now I’m raw and bleeding.
One moment I know someone is out there that loves me without conditions, and the next moment, I find out that’s not true. I am so upset and hurt. I’m so angry at myself for trusting again.
How can you claim to love someone? How can you claim to always be there for someone and then walk away in an instant? How can you use my vulnerability as an excuse not to love me anymore?
Today I heard this quote and it hit hard;
“See,the difference between you and me is….I lost somebody who didn’t care about me. You lost somebody… Who would’ve done anything for you.”
That is how I feel, making me sad and lonely.
If you could have tried harder to reach that masked part of me, and if I could have just tried harder to remove it, maybe you could have got to the part of me that is so well hidden from everyone else. I wanted that you know. I wanted to share and tried to, but you wouldn’t read what I sent you because it was painful, and, in the same breath, you encouraged me to share my story. That is what my heart and soul needed, just my friend to understand.
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