Think how powerful this is. Humans crave connection even more than food or water. When I first heard this, I probably had the same reaction as you just did. Stay with me for a minute. Suicide, depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and countless other mental disorders stem from a lack of real connection to self and others.
Even though we crave connection, we also fear it. Childhood trauma, even minor t trauma, informs us subconsciously about the fear of rejection and how much we need connection.
For instance, we are very young; Mom leaves the room to heat our bottles. We cry when she leaves because we don’t know she will return in a few minutes. This feeling is stored in our subconscious because we are too young to remember it on a conscious level. It is thought we cry because of hunger and not because Mom left. Years later, we carry that fear of being rejected and abandoned. Those around us don’t understand this unreasonable fear of abandonment we have.
A child wants you to play, but you are distracted by your phone. At some point, you get irritated and tell your child to find something else to do. What seems like everyday parenting gets stored in the child as rejection. When these scenarios happen over and over, this creates adults with deep fears of not being seen and heard. Therefore, rejection is the seed we sow; if we grow up with an absent parent, however this may look, these fears cause a lifetime of searching for what is wrong with us. Many also had significant trauma, and this is why they go down the dark roads searching for some light. Sadly most won’t find it in the way they are searching. Healing takes diving deep into the shadow side of ourselves, and that is freaking hard.
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