”Imposter Syndrome, is it just me?”

It was hard to walk away when all I wanted to do was defend myself. More than that, I wanted someone else to stand up for me.  I have listened to and read so much self-help content over the last year, so at that moment, I realized that getting into a screaming match would not end well for either of us. I also realized that people are selfish, and although they talk big or claim to be a certain way when a situation comes up, their real character shows through. I am sadder about that than the rest.

I have to admit this, as well. I often suffer from imposter syndrome, and this brought it back front and center. Could she be right? Was I looking for some kind of praise? Do I portray myself to be something that I am not? These questions, plus a hundred more, plague my mind.

Is it just me? At this moment, I say yes. Yes, because my heart feels the pain, but as I reason with my head, I know that’s not true. To be called out is one thing, but to be called out in front of someone took me straight down that rabbit hole of vulnerability and shame. That, in turn, brings me to the next level of feeling like an imposter.

I took the time to be upset, to feel sorry for myself, and to shed the tears that I needed to. I have to believe at the end of the day that I am not a fraud. Self-doubt is something I deal with a lot. My feelings of inadequacy and fear of not living up to the expectations of others and myself are a driving force of my existence. I have fought so hard to overcome this. The disappointment I feel in myself this week reminds me that growth is continuous, and it only takes a split second to fall back into old patterns.

I will use this blog as my platform to express my feelings. The trust I have in sharing with someone personally is near zero. I am so discouraged at the amount of selfishness that I encounter daily from humanity; it has me retreating inside myself more every day.

I am an introvert that barely tolerates small talk; I love having the ”deep” conversations and will talk all day with the right person. It is not easy to uncover the mask that most people wear to get real, meaningful talks about life and death.

~Thinking Through My Fingers~ 💜