As an adult, I realize why kids do some of the things they do. Also, as an adult, I keep thinking back to that little girl with her Sister, they are standing in the driveway, watching the kids across the road. They are laughing, whispering, and throwing apples at them from the Apple trees that were just a matter of feet from them. The pain of the Apples as they hit me is burned into my memory, but nothing like the pain of being made fun of.

Wendy and I were the two poor little girls across the road that they loved to make fun of. We would sometimes go back later to gather up those apples, that had hit us upside the head because that was a sweet treat we never got to experience very often.

I don’t ever remember telling my parents about the “mean girls “ honestly, some attention was better than no attention, that is so I thought back then.

Wendy and I were pretty much on our own most days. We lived close to a creek and spent a large deal of time there. Well, that’s what I did anyway. My sister wasn’t as much of an outdoors person as I was. When we were younger, we were often locked out of the house, not having a choice but to be outside. As I’m writing this, it now occurs to me why Wendy hated the outdoors! She internalized it that way, being locked out on our own and often hungry. Whereas, I grew to enjoy the outdoors and solitude. It was my escape.

My Mom and Dad both worked full-time jobs. Mom hired someone to watch us. This girl came In every morning, going back to bed and sleeping most of the day, once again we were on our own. We sometimes walked the mile to the little country store just to get something to eat. We were mindful not to spend too much money because our parents ran a credit for the week and would know if the bill was overly high.

Back to the apples, and many years after. One of the girls involved apologized for the part she played in bullying us when we were children. You see, it seems she also carries the shame of it all. Through her, tears, I realized that I didn’t have to forgive her, she had to forgive herself. It had never occurred to me as a kid that they were making fun of us. Yes, I felt left out and very much wanted to be a part of their tribe, but I never knew anything different, I didn’t know I was being bullied. I didn’t even know that was a word. It was merely when I was much older that I realized this. Even though at times I still feel that sting of not fitting in, the guilt she has held all these years, is far worse than anything I could ever say to her.

I do have to acknowledge, though, that some days, a lot of days, to be honest, I’m still that little girl dodging Apples… 🍎

Ginger 💜